How The Wizarding World Of Harry Potter Would React To COVID
Photo by Ryan Moulton on Unsplash
Somewhere in the Department of Ministries, deep within the Ministry of Magic, there is a prophecy that explains exactly what the world should do if it were to find itself once more in the throes of a global pandemic.
Unfortunately, this article is not that prophecy.
However, for all those who have enjoyed and or been captivated by the wonderful wizarding world of Harry Potter, hopefully you’ll find some humor and goofiness in the words below.
During quarantine, I’ve been going back and listening to the Harry Potter books from start to finish. I’ve recently worked my way through the fifth book, The Order of the Phoenix, in which you really start to get a good feel for the Ministry of Magic and the inner workings of one the most famous wizarding institutions.
As I listened, I started to think of small parallels between the Ministry of Magic and other government agencies around the world today. I jokingly said to a friend that quidditch games would be so boring without any fans, which sparked a fun and slightly nerdy list of ways that that Ministry would be dealing with COVID if the virus were to hit the fictional world of Harry Potter.
This isn’t meant to be political or a reflection of a certain viewpoint concerning the virus. It’s mostly meant to be some deep cuts for true Harry Potter fans.
Fiction helps us escape the tensions of our realities. COVID and the current climate is serious, but every once in a while, it’s fun to take a deep breath and look at things from a slightly different angle.
After all, we could all do with a little magic right now.
If COVID happened to make its way into the world of Harry Potter, these are some expected actions, changes, or limitations that you’d see across the wizarding world.
Aurors would be repurposed as contact tracers.
Floo powder would be renamed.
How could it not be with a name like that?
The Knight Bus would stop offering overnight stays.
It’s one thing to squeeze in and out of London traffic. It’s a whole different story when you’re sleeping right next to someone random.
The Leaky Cauldron would be ordered to close but would stay open anyway.
Hogsmeade would be given a stimulus boost from Gringotts.
There would be an uproar if the Three Broomsticks went out of business.
Diagon Alley would have floating cleaning crews spraying hand-sanitizer and trying to enforce social distancing.
Portkey travel would be limited to parties of 4 or less.
With any more, you’d be hard-pressed to maintain true social distancing practices.
Portraits could no longer travel between different frames of other portraits.
If you have another portrait elsewhere like Phineas Nigellus Black being both in Dumbledore’s office and at Number 12, Grimmauld Place, then you can travel between your own portraits. But no portrait-to-other portrait crossover, please.
St. Mungo’s would convert their fifth-floor visitor's tearoom into a COVID floor as well as adding an extension charm to the first floor of creature-induced injuries.
This one was tough — I tried asking myself, “where would a muggle disease like COVID fit into St. Mungo’s? If it really did come from a bat, then perhaps in the creature-induced injuries floor?
O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S would be temporarily postponed.
All the fifth and sixth years say amen and hallelujah.
Snape would be laboriously working to develop a potion that could tell you instantly if you currently or previously have had COVID.
Say what you want about Snivelus, but I think he's a good man.
Quidditch matches would be played with limited to no fans in attendance.
At least Lee Jordan won’t have to worry about McGonagall calling him out for his overt favoritism of every house that isn’t Slytherin.
The Hogwarts Express would be forced to block off every other cabin, resulting in multiple trips to and from Hogwarts.
Rita Skeeter would have penned the first of many “Love in the time of COVID” pieces detailing the exaggerated love stories of witches and wizards while in quarantine.
These would be about as good as they sound. Her Quick-Quotes Quill would be working overtime!
The Sorting Hat would only be able to hover over someone’s head and not actually touch it during the opening dinner at Hogwarts.
Ollivander’s would stop selling wands to reduce contact transmission.
Gringotts would still refuse to open any secret vaults. The goblins would take the opportunity to horde even more treasure and there would be a galleon shortage.
No money coming in, no money coming out.
Students could return to the wizarding schools but only with the required bubblehead charms.
The upside-down fish bowls are the new mask.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would never wear a mask.
In fact, he’d be the one going around coughing in all of his Death Eater’s faces. I can only imagine the Dark Lord saying, “If I have COVID, you must also have COVID.”
Chocolate frogs would come out with new cards showing the faces of frontline heroes and heroines.
Forget about famous wizards and witches. Instead, collect all the cards in the newly printed deck: frontline heroes.
The Daily Prophet would be filled with articles downplaying the severity of COVID and claiming that it doesn’t affect wizards and witches.
Meanwhile, the Quibbler would do a 5-page story on how nifflers have suddenly been seen wearing gloves while stealing coins from unsuspecting persons.
And of course, the Ministry of Magic would blame Dumbledore
Of course, there are many, many more ways that the wizarding world would react to a situation like COVID. This is just a start.
I’d love to hear if you have other ways that Harry Potter and his friends would be influenced by COVID. If you have another example of how the two worlds would overlap, drop a comment below and let me know. I’d love to continue to expand this list!
Many thanks to J.K. Rowling for her creation such an incredible fictional world.
I have found that in times of great stress, a little humor and a bit of goofiness go a long way. With that being said, wands up wizards and witches.