How To Not Sabotage A Great Party
Photo by Eric Nopanen on Unsplash
Have you ever gone to a party that you really didn’t like going to?
If you look back at that party, what made it so unenjoyable? It could have been the people. There’s little that's worse than being stuck in a small-ish room with people you don’t know, don’t like, or don’t really want to have a generic conversation with about their dogs, their jobs, or their newest house projects.
It could have been the music, the food, the location. It could have been the timing. Parties at 4 in the afternoon are hard.
We’ve all been to parties that have been sabotaged by any number of these circumstances. But I think there is one factor that derails more parties than any other. If you took all of your negative party experiences and boiled them down into one answer, you’ll likely find out what really makes parties unenjoyable.
The host.
I’m not saying the host is a bad person. I’m not even really saying that they are a bad party-planner, although you’d think with a little more planning, the party might not have been such a drag.
I’m just saying that it’s the host's responsibility to try to ensure that his or her guests have a good time. It’s relationships 101 combined with the detailed work of an entry-level accountant. It’s not rocket-science, but it take some skill.
Obviously, with all things happening related to COVID and the global pandemic, people aren’t really going to many parties right now. We have a responsibility to socially distance and avoid large groups of people. We do these things to show kindness and respect to those around us.
But fear not — this shutdown and the absence of parties is actually the best time to be thinking about how to become a better host. This season has given everyone the chance to take a step back and re-evaluate a lot of areas of daily life, hosting included.
We don’t fully know when things might return to any level of normal where house parties and small gatherings are back to being common. But as we’re waiting, we can be working to identify behaviors that could sabotage our hosting skills.
That way, once things do open back up, we’ll be ready to be the best hosts any party has ever seen.
On that note — these are the things a bad host would have done at a pre-COVID party.
Buys too little food
It’s the worst when you show up to a friend’s party that advertised food and there’s a bag of pretzels, a couple of saltine crackers, and some hard candies you’ve only ever seen at your grandmother’s house. Don’t make your guests eat portions meant for mice. Buy enough food.
Needs exact change
We all get it, asking for money can be weird. But the general rule when your hosting is to err on the side of generosity. You ever go to split a pizza with a friend and after the pizza arrives, they send you a Venmo request for $11.56? Just round up on what you pay and round down on the request.
Not reciprocal attendees
If someone brings wine to your party, the least you could do the next time they invite you is to bring a bottle back with you. You don’t want to be a host who always asks people to bring things to you if you’re not willing to bring something in return.
Always takes the comfy seat and leaves you on the ottoman
How is it that every bad host had a super uncomfortable ottoman or footstool? If you have limited seating, offer the best seat to your guest(s). If you always take the best seat, you’ll end up sitting by yourself.
Slinging coasters
No one likes water rings. But come on, the glass was on the table for 3 seconds. It wasn’t intentional. No one is out to get you and your IKEA coffee table. Don’t be the host who basically has a stack of coasters stocked in a hip belt that is stitched with the initials C.B. for coaster boaster.
Passive-aggressive invite instructions
Have you ever gotten an invite from a friend that goes something like this: “I’ll have some snacks and everything, but feel free to bring your own snacks if you’re worried I won’t have what you want.” Come on Peter, just tell us what you want us to bring.
Complicated “house rules”
I went to a friend’s house once where you could wear shoes in one room, but not in the room adjoining. So you could walk in, stand and talk, but if you wanted to go into the living room, shoes off. It wasn’t holy ground. It wasn’t even carpeted.
Leaves you standing outside for 5 minutes
When you show up at someone’s house for a party, they should be expecting you. The door should either be open and you just walk right in, or you knock once and you’re welcomed. If you have to ring the doorbell twice, you might as well just turn back around.
Bad entertainment options
Have you been to that party where the host throws on the junior ice-skating world championship on the big screen and then hides the remotes? Even if you weren't trying to watch it, the volume is cranked up so every conversation you have is interrupted by Celine Dion belting “My Heart Will Go On,” which seems to be the only song these youngsters skate to? Ya, that party is not good.
Won’t accept help in the kitchen
I know you said you didn’t want any help, Judy, but the oven looks like it’s on fire and the smoke alarm is going off. Are you sure we can’t just come in and help you out in any small way?
The one-upper
We all know this host: the one who invites people over and then prowls around the whole night just looking for a story to jump into and one-up. Unless you’re Neil Armstrong and were the first person to walk on the moon, you don’t have the grounds to one-up anyone at your party. It’s bad hosting.
Didn’t really clean up
If you’re going to have people over, you should at least break out the vacuum. That’s the minimum. If you’ve been to a party where you can tell that the host didn’t really clean before people showed up, you kind of feel cautious about touching anything. Heaven forbid you drop one of your three pretzels into the couch cushion.
Bottom Line
When everything is said and done, if you’re hosting people, make them feel special. The particulars can be important but they aren’t always what makes-or-breaks the party.
If you’re thoughtful, courteous, kind, and prepared, you’ll be great. Have some fun and try to give your guests a great experience. Don’t be chintzy but you don’t have to be extravagant either to have a great time.
Don’t sabotage yourself with the basics above and you’ll be just fine.