To Be A Great Man, You Must Avoid Shortcuts

Photo by Etty Fidele on Unsplash

What separates the great men from all the others? I’ll tell you what it’s not.

It’s not what Hollywood tends to portray — dashing good looks, a clever wit, a charming personality. Great men aren’t great because they are physically attractive, comedic, or charismatic.

Greatness is also not synonymous with perfection as much of Instagram and other social media outlets would like for us to believe. We all make mistakes. We all have moments where our pride boils over or we say something that we regret.

In the end, the primary thing that separates great men from all the others is their consistency. Their commitment. Greatness is the ability to keep showing up with purpose and passion, even though it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Great men don’t let short-term rewards distract them from long-term gains. They know that the first mile is crowded but the second mile rarely is.

Simply said, great men don’t take shortcuts.

Most shortcuts are the antithesis of consistency. They are habit-breakers, progress-stoppers, and character-compromisers.

When most of us think about taking shortcuts, our minds instantly jump to the big examples. We think of people who embezzle money from their company or who don’t do the work but lie to get what they want.

To be a great man, it’s not enough to just avoid the big shortcuts. Being consistent and committed means that you look to cut out every shortcut in your life, which means you’ll have to get introspective and personal.

Hidden shortcuts

Some shortcuts can be helpful. But more often than not, a relational or emotional shortcut is an attempt to avoid a difficult circumstance.

Relationships require hard work. Yet, somehow, over the past decades, many men have begun to develop an avoidance of things that require hard, committed work. As a result, we’ve begun to rely more on shortcuts and less on consistent habits of love.

These shortcuts are sneaky but they show up in every area of our lives.

It’s easier to take the shortcut of staying angry than it is to practice the consistent effort of forgiveness.

It’s more common for men to take the shortcut of not expressing their emotions than it is to be committed to both processing and sharing what they are actually feeling with their partner, spouse, or friend.

It’s more convenient to say something rude than it is to craft a genuine and meaningful apology. How many shortcuts have been taken of shifting the blame rather than owning up to mistakes?

We take shortcuts when we bury ourselves in the TV over interacting with our kids. We take shortcuts when we’re at the office more than we’re at home because we haven’t figured out how to establish a work-life balance.

It’s no mystery that we are bombarded by desires of ease and comfort. We are all prone and wired to think of ourselves first, above all. We trend towards passivity rather than activity.

Therefore, what separates great men from the rest is a willingness to admit this default and attack it with everything they have.

The second mistake

“What separates the elite performers from everyone else? Not perfection, but consistency. This is why the most important thing is not to prevent mistakes altogether, but to avoid making a mistake twice in a row. Errors are part of the process, but they shouldn’t become part of the pattern.” — James Clear

No person has ever become great through the avenue of pursuing perfection. In fact, many who have gone down that path have ended up somewhere very different than greatness.

Great men make mistakes. That may come as a surprise, but they do. However, what great men rarely make the same mistake twice. They learn, adjust, work hard, and fight to invest and love and build great habits of strong character.

No one likes to make mistakes. So instead of trying and taking the risk, we take the shortcuts. After a time, these shortcuts become so engrained in our lives that they begin to appear normal.

Great men know that if they are to have deep and authentic relationships, they can’t let the possibility of a mistake drive them towards taking more shortcuts.

It is vulnerability that allows great men to embrace the first mistake while their character allows them to defeat the second mistake.

Great men have great relationships

When you focus on avoiding shortcuts, you not only enrich your personal character but you enrich the quality of your relationships as well. This is especially true of your romantic relationship with your partner or spouse.

When a man begins to push back against the easy or natural shortcuts in his life, he begins to infuse his daily rhythms with qualities that are attractive to others.

Great men build habits of love, kindness, and graciousness. They are not occasionally lovely. They are loving. They do not withhold kindness but they look for ways to be nice to others. They choose grace, not anger, as their first response.

A great man will begin to be proactive instead of reactive. He’ll begin to shift his mindset from consuming to investing. He’ll become more in touch with his emotions and mental well-being.

Great relationships thrive from intentionality and hard work. It takes effort to communicate and demonstrate to someone close to you that you care about them. In other words, you are willing to go the extra mile.

Great men know that every time they take a shortcut, they are not only chipping away at their character but they are also inadvertently communicating that the person or relationship isn’t worth the extra effort.

Taking shortcuts is choosing yourself over others.

Avoiding shortcuts means you spend more time practicing how to love others well. It means you wrestle with and actually learn how to become more loving, kinder, and more gracious. Great relationships are forged over long periods of time so taking the long-road not only benefits you but greatly benefits those around you as well.

Start small

If you want to be great, start small. Spend 15 minutes and think about any shortcuts you may have taken in the last 24 hours. Write them down.

Then think about what characteristics you want to be true of your life. You may write down words like “mature” or “strong” or “kind.” Try to think of 3–4 characteristics you want to pursue.

For me, two things I’m working on are being more generous and gentle.

Once you’ve written down your shortcuts and your characteristics, overlap them and try to identify one shortcut you can work on that will help you move towards one of your ideal characteristics.

If you do that, you’re on your way to becoming a great man.