Helping Decipher The Hardest Language In The World: Love

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash

Trying to understand love is often like trying to understand how the sentence “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo” is grammatically correct in the English language.

We live in a world where we think it makes sense for every high schooler to take four years of a foreign language class they will likely never use again, while we shy away from teaching young people how to translate the hardest language known on planet earth. Love.

If you’ve been in a relationship, you know how easy it is to either misunderstand or be misunderstood.

Maybe you’ve found yourself in the place where you go to apologize only to find that your words somehow backfired and now things actually seem worse than before you opened your mouth?

Or maybe, you’ve been on the other side where you thought you were communicating clearly, only to find out days or weeks later that you didn’t get your point across.

That difficulty, that confusion, isn’t as tied to your ability or personality. That pain, my friend, is largely tied to one thing: not knowing the real relationship dictionary.

I’ve been dating the same girl for almost the last decade. We’ve been married for the last five years. She’s the love of my life. Before that, I had my fair share of young, immature relationships.

I learned some of these definitions the hard way. Others I just picked up over time. This list is by no means exhaustive, but it’s a starting point. If you buy in and even give 10% of the effort you gave to your high school Spanish class, you’ll be more prepared for any future relationship.

If you hear any of these phrases or see any of these behaviors, don’t be duped. Here is what they likely mean.

It’s okay — it is not okay. This is DEFCON 2. Abort all thoughts of anything being okay.

Could you…? — don’t be deceived. This is not a question. It’s actually a demand poised as a question to test how quickly you’ll respond.

I don’t care where we eat — this is not true. If you are the one saying that, you really mean that you don’t know what you want but you definitely know what you don’t want. If you are on the receiving end, you need to be prepared for your first three options to be shot down.

I’m listening — you are not in fact listening. You just said those words so that you can continue to do what you want to do while still acting like you’re paying attention.

I’m tired — I’m done talking about this conversation.

Sure — I guess so, but do you really have to?

How would you feel about… — this is what I’d really like to do but I’m not confident enough to say so.

Yea, I like them — I’d be okay if we ran into them occasionally but let’s not invite them to our next backyard barbecue.

How was your day? Good — this is the basic relationship interchange. It’s like dating 101. It doesn’t mean much but it’s still something you’ll say most days.

How are you doing? — In a good conversation, this is a great question. Any other time, for guys, this question is an attempt to test the waters and get a feel for the current mood.

When are you going to be home? — this is code for “what is the last possible moment I can start organizing and picking up the house before you get home?”

Are we busy on Friday? — we should make plans for Friday night.

Good night — get off me. Cuddling time is over and it’s time to go to sleep.

That’s what I said — this really means: “Don’t argue with me about this. I am positive about what I said and there is nothing you can say that will change my mind.”

*eye-roll* — this isn’t technically a sound, but come on, anyone in a relationship knows the eye-roll speaks volumes.

Want to hear something funny? — prepare to fake laugh because what is coming next is probably not actually that funny

Trust me — if you hear this, don’t fight it. Even if you have to pretend like you agree. So much conflict can be avoided if you don’t feel the need to always push back.

We need to talk — it’s time to grab your shield and helmet. Maybe get the ambulance on speed dial.

Do you think… — 94.3% of the time the answer to this question is “no.” Do you think she’s pretty? No. Do you think this outfit makes me look bad? No. You get the deal.

Sometimes we fool ourselves into thinking that if we’re having difficulty translating the language of love, that means that the person we’re dating isn’t the right fit for us.

As you grow up and mature, as you potentially date more and find yourself in different relationships, you’ll notice that the mistranslation of love isn’t really specific to any one person.

Love is a hard language to learn.

This dictionary above is not complete, but it’s a start. Understanding these concepts would be helpful for every high school freshman and above.

I don’t believe there are couples out there with magic love. If you find people who are in a really great relationship, odds are you found a couple that understands better than most how to speak the complicated language of love.

Obviously, not all of these definitions are hard and fast rules. Love is rarely captured in generalities as it must be contextualized to circumstances and individuals. However, if you follow these definitions, you’ll give yourself a leg up on deciphering the language of love.

As you keep dating, keep paying attention and learn. You’re never too experienced to mistranslate love, so be a student and work on being the most fluent you can be.